The Best and Worst of Today’s Yardsales
Worst: The guy who was charging $10 for a used tissue box, and just wouldn’t hear of me bargaining him down to five. Me: “So, would you maybe take half for that?” Him (and I have to stress that this is an exact quote): “HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNGH.”
Worst: The sale I went to that was just three old dudes selling three area rugs (one rug each), and nothing else.
Double Worst: They advertised it as a “multifamily yardsale.”
Triple Worst: It took me ten minutes of driving around to find it.
Worst: The Cranky Old Couple who couldn’t stop sniping at each other at their yardsale. “Whaddya MEAN you couldn’t find the SpongeBob tape?! THE SPONGEBOB TAPE IS RIGHT HERE, YOU MORON!” “Well what the hell’s it doing right there?! WHO TOLD YOU TO PUT IT RIGHT THERE, YOU MORON?!” Meanwhile, a third supposed adult was screaming his head off at his crying child for crying (which did not make her stop), while a fourth was very insistent that I purchase his 1980s-era electronics. “It’s like-new!” he said, scraping a few flakes of rust off of it.
Double Worst: I drove two towns out of my way to visit this yardsale because the Craigslist ad said that it was their last one ever, and they wanted to share this special day with everyone.
Best: When I drove by the local historical society, there was a bunch of people milling about outside, dressed in period colonial garb, and selling brownies.
Best: The woman I saw who was mowing her front lawn via a complex pulley system, dragging the lawnmower up the side of a steep hill with a long piece of rope. I don’t think I’m doing this scene justice: She was standing at the top of her hill, rope in hand, trying to angle the lawnmower to just the right spot to 1) finish her mow-job, and 2) not accidentally drop her very expensive lawnmower into a gorge. I’m certainly creepy enough to have taken a photo, but I was unfortunately driving at the time.
Best: This squirrel:
By around Hour 3 of today’s adventure, I was pretty much hating yardsales forever. Here are a few dumb things I found, whatever.
Yes. That’s exactly what it looks like: it’s an ash tray with a man lifting up a woman’s dress, and groping her. “So Phil, what did your son get you for Father’s Day?” “Well…”
That’s the second-biggest George Jetson I’ve ever seen! (This was one of those not-so-rare instances where you’re not reaaaally sure if the pile o’ crap is actually part of someone’s yardsale, or garbage.)
Presented without comment.
Total spent: $0 (+ 1 soul)