3 Guys, 3 Rugs

The Best and Worst of Today’s Yardsales

Worst: The guy who was charging $10 for a used tissue box, and just wouldn’t hear of me bargaining him down to five. Me: “So, would you maybe take half for that?” Him (and I have to stress that this is an exact quote): “HRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNGH.”

Worst: The sale I went to that was just three old dudes selling three area rugs (one rug each), and nothing else.

Double Worst: They advertised it as a “multifamily yardsale.”

Triple Worst: It took me ten minutes of driving around to find it.

Worst: The Cranky Old Couple who couldn’t stop sniping at each other at their yardsale. “Whaddya MEAN you couldn’t find the SpongeBob tape?! THE SPONGEBOB TAPE IS RIGHT HERE, YOU MORON!” “Well what the hell’s it doing right there?! WHO TOLD YOU TO PUT IT RIGHT THERE, YOU MORON?!” Meanwhile, a third supposed adult was screaming his head off at his crying child for crying (which did not make her stop), while a fourth was very insistent that I purchase his 1980s-era electronics. “It’s like-new!” he said, scraping a few flakes of rust off of it.

Double Worst: I drove two towns out of my way to visit this yardsale because the Craigslist ad said that it was their last one ever, and they wanted to share this special day with everyone.

Connecticut Prices

You know what? I’m just going to say it—screw anyone who posts their Craigslist ads more than a week in advance. I ended up driving 15 minutes out of my way today in search of a neighborhood-wide sale that ended up not existing, because the stupid listing was posted a week early, and I hadn’t noticed.

…Okay, granted, if I had actually looked at the date in the listing, I would’ve realized that it wasn’t today. BUT WHATEVER. There’s no need to get your ads out that early; nobody cares! Do you really think someone’s going to be like “Well, I was planning to visit my nonnie in the hospital that morning, but NEVERMIND! THERE’S A YARDSALE! CLEAR MY CALENDAR!” These people are almost as bad as the jerks who only hold their sales on Fridays, WHEN EVERYONE’S WORKING, YOU DUMMIES! MAN!!

…

Okay, I’m done fumigating now. Here’s some stuff I found.