You Can Be Anything

It’s true what they say: books let you live out your wildest dreams.

And speaking of, uh, fish…it seems like the old yardsale pond is startin’ to dry up, so I think it’s time to call it a season! See ya’ll again next year, with even more weird and upsetting things!

(And in the meantime, don’t forget to use our Amazon affiliate link when you do your holiday shopping; it doesn’t cost you anything, and it helps the site! Just click the link and buy stuff! Literally that’s all you have to do! Click it! Click the link!! )

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Faxable Greeting Cards!

Don’t worry, nothing racist today.

There’s no one alive today who remembers the fax machine (it’s a lot like the dodo bird in that regard, or a functioning federal government), but once upon a time, you could use this book to fax facsimiles of greeting cards to friends and family members you didn’t like enough to send real greeting cards to.

These cards range from the disarmingly innocuous:

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A Bird’s Purpose

Found at Ollie’s Bargain Outlet: a book for recording the spiritual messages brought to us by our avian friends! And you thought bird-watching was just a way to pass the time while you’re waiting for other, more interesting animals to show up.

(Click here for a larger view.)

“What were you doing when you noticed the messenger?” “Were you reminded of someone special or of an event in your past?” “How much had you been drinking, exactly?”

Hah-hah! I kid. I bet there’s a lot of people who could use this journal—if not as a spiritual record, then as a unique diary of backyard bird visits and memorable encounters. In fact, I’m SURE this book will be a big flockin’ success. How am I so sure?

……….

…Because a little birdie told me.

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You Should Read More, They Said

Hey, here’s a fun fact:

This comes from “Thoughts From the Commode,” a real book I came across at a yardsale. Here’s the other page I managed to photograph before (and this is always a risk at yardsales) someone caught me taking photos of their toilet book. (Warning, super gross.)

I think we’ve all learned something today—never ever pick up a book ever again.

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Sans Comic

how-to-boss-your-fonts-around

Oooh! Oh, I know this one! You’ve gotta say “Do what I say, or there will be Helvetica to pay!” No? Maybe tell them “It’s Times you got your act together!” “Hey, you Wingding! Don’t you want to have an Impact on the world? Try thinking about the Futura for once!”

What, you don’t think these puns RockWell…

…I can’t believe this is the post I came back with after a month and a half.

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Enemy of Anger

A quick aside before we launch into today’s post. The yard sales weren’t really biting all that much this weekend—one of the more exciting ones I stopped at was selling a massage table and, uhh, this book to go along with it (making me question what sorts of things went on on that massage table)—but I did want to share this one craigslist ad I found:

craigslist-yardsale-ad

SO CREEPY! Anyway, back to BOARD GAME WEEK, where nothing’s ever creepy.

Yesterday’s game was BORING. Do you have anything with some action? Maybe some space ships?? Maybe some space ships…in waterspout?? [Edit: that was supposed to say “outer-space” but I’m not always great at typing.]

counter-attack-board-game-box

YESSSS!! GALACTIC WARFARE!!! THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT! CLEAN-UP ON AISLE DEATH!!

Let’s just pop this baby open, and…

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Come Celebrate With Us

dolls-ala-mode

TIL that literally everything can be made creepy with dolls.

Did I ever tell you guys about the time we were driving through South Jerseylike, deep deep South Jerseyand saw a community of people decorating their properties by nailing dolls to trees? It wasn’t Halloween or anything; it was like July. We stopped for a yard sale at one and saw they had dolls nailed to the house, too.

Anyway these things are just doll catalogs, but I’d like to imagine they’re coffee-table books for the sort of person who’d nail a doll to their house.

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An Amazing New World

surfing-on-the-internet-book

FWIW, I didn’t pay either of those prices. (It was a quarter at the thrift store that doesn’t have cool cats to play with.)

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, this is a non-fiction, first-person narrative account of what the Internet was like in 1995published in 1995! IRC chatrooms, newsgroups, MUDs, a forum devoted to the destruction of Barney the Dinosaur… As someone who still remembers the random jumble of characters that comprised his Prodigy e-mail address (PXVQ62C why would you do this to me Prodigy), that’s the kind of thing I can get into. Continue reading