Welcome to Earth, Moonmen!

It was BACK TO THE SALES this week, after about a month of visiting family, attending weddings, documenting state-wide beard and goat competitions, and also sleeping sometimes, because seriously you have to get up at like 7 in the goddamn morning to find any “good stuff,” and sometimes that “good stuff” just ain’t worth it.

I picked the wroooong weekend to come back.

Connecticut Prices

You know what? I’m just going to say it—screw anyone who posts their Craigslist ads more than a week in advance. I ended up driving 15 minutes out of my way today in search of a neighborhood-wide sale that ended up not existing, because the stupid listing was posted a week early, and I hadn’t noticed.

…Okay, granted, if I had actually looked at the date in the listing, I would’ve realized that it wasn’t today. BUT WHATEVER. There’s no need to get your ads out that early; nobody cares! Do you really think someone’s going to be like “Well, I was planning to visit my nonnie in the hospital that morning, but NEVERMIND! THERE’S A YARDSALE! CLEAR MY CALENDAR!” These people are almost as bad as the jerks who only hold their sales on Fridays, WHEN EVERYONE’S WORKING, YOU DUMMIES! MAN!!

…

Okay, I’m done fumigating now. Here’s some stuff I found.

A Gift That You Can Never See

As I’m learning, there are two kinds of estate sales: those, like the one I went to a couple of weeks ago, where everything’s set up more or less like a typical yardsale, with items priced and arranged tastefully, and professional sellers buzzing about just delighted with the prospect of helping you buy their things.

Then, there’s ones like the one I went to today. Look at your home, right now. Notice how you have everything arranged. Notice how everything’s set up. Very personal. Very cozy. That’s how this place was set up—which is to say, it wasn’t set up at all. Nothing was priced; nothing was arranged neatly on tables. It was as if the owners had gone on vacation, and in the meantime the most enterprising robbers of all time took it over and tried to sell everything. It made me feel weird and creepy. 

I didn’t buy anything, although I did find this—on a table they set up in the front yard, to display the most choice merchandise:

Awww Yeah, it’s a Tag Sale!

Now THAT’s how you advertise your sale.

Despite going to over a dozen yardsales this Saturday, I didn’t end up with all that much loot. My actual purchases included:

• A videogame,
• A spare wheel for a computer chair (I’m serious), and
• This toy car/Christmas decoration:

I’m actually kind of in love with the car. One of my favorite parts of the Christmas season (to this day, mind) is piling into the car to hunt down a Christmas tree—not in a lot, because my wife and I aren’t weenies, but in an actual farm—and then chopping it down myself with a friggin’ AXE, just like my forefathers used to do it.

 

That’s not the best part, though; the best part is drinking free hot cocoa while someone else spends the next twenty minutes struggling to tie the thing to the roof-rack.