Bull-dazzled

jeweled-cow-skull

“Please share this…thing…with the world!!”

– Smimming Rox (@asgardianmead61 on Twitter).

Consider it done.

P.S. My new computer game came out yesterday! It’s called Cat President: A More Purrfect Union, and it’s a romantic visual novel about a teen girl who accidentally becomes campaign manager for one of the six major Presidential candidates (and they’re all cats) (very handsome cats). It’s the feline-good game of the summer!!

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The Beast Coast

New York is different from California. This may come as a surprise to those of you who have only lived on one coast or the other, or (God forbid) any readers who got stuck living in-between (I’ve driven through your states twice now; I’m so sorry). They’re both big states, with lots of…trees…and they’ve both made me realize that I should look out the window more and see what they’ve got besides trees. But certain things feel like they’re a step away in a random direction; even the yard sales.

This past Saturday in New York, I overheard a guy talking about how he (his company?) recently had to pay a $200 million fine, in the same regretful tone that one might remark that they left their phone charger on the bus. “Aw gee,” I could imagine him shrugging, then giving the propeller on his beanie cap a twirl. “What a boo-boo I just did.” (And we don’t even live in the rich part of New York. We live in the cow part.) In Humboldt County—our home in California before moving back east—the only time you’d hear the word “million” was if someone was breaking the record for number of buds grown in a single field.

Another example. In California, I found some pretty adorable quilting-themed goods at an estate sale…

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Olympic Time

figure-skating-alarm-clock

BUM! BUM! BA-DUM DUM DUM DUM! If you’ve been able to flip away from the non-stop, 24-hour coverage of Presidential Candidates Say the Darndest Things, you might’ve seen some network coverage of the Olympic games! You know, like swimming! And running! And, uhh, the rest. (…And horse dancing.)

To celebrate, here’s an Olympic-themed thing I found earlier in the year, and never got around to sharing.

Is this…is it anything? I can’t tell if this is a rare tchotchke given to an Olympic athlete that definitely doesn’t belong at a yard sale (after all, it says “Presented to our United States and Olympic Champions”), or if it’s just a tchotchke, period. I didn’t ask, because my mom wasn’t there to do it for me, so we may never know.

(BTW, if there was a gold medal for “singing along with the Olympics theme song whenever it’s on TV,” I’d be on a damn podium right now.)

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Sans Comic

how-to-boss-your-fonts-around

Oooh! Oh, I know this one! You’ve gotta say “Do what I say, or there will be Helvetica to pay!” No? Maybe tell them “It’s Times you got your act together!” “Hey, you Wingding! Don’t you want to have an Impact on the world? Try thinking about the Futura for once!”

What, you don’t think these puns RockWell…

…I can’t believe this is the post I came back with after a month and a half.

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Repurposed Crab Bits

Next week we start the big move. …Again.

Long-time readers may remember that last summer, we loaded up two cars with me, my wife, our two rabbits, our turtle, my parents-in-law, and enough house plants to stock the rain-forest part of a mid-sized zoo, and drove 2,500 miles from Ohio to California. This move’s going to be different. This time, we’re moving 3,000 miles.

I’ll be gone for the next few weeks, as I down-vote people’s Yik-Yaks all across this great country drive, so I wanted to leave you with something good. One last dose of California weirdness (except for all the pictures I have saved that I haven’t shared yet). I now present to you:

Little statues made out of dead crab bits.

crab-fisherman

Goodbye, California… 😭 😭 😭 😭 😭 
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