Days of the Leek

The worst thing about buying clothes at a thrift store is that nothing’s ever in your size—and if it is, it has someone else’s sweat stains all over it—and if it doesn’t, then at the very least it’s covered in old cat hair.

The best thing about it is this shirt, period. I think my favorite part is the vegetables’ expression; they don’t look like they’re excited about Friday. They look anxious, like they’re supposed to give an oral presentation on Friday and they kinda wanna get it over with, but they also don’t feel super prepared and wanna go over their notes 50 more times. The carrot is actually stress-shaking over it. I love this shirt.

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Cup o’ Fido

“This human belongs to a bagel hound,” it says.

In case you’re like me and this photo made you go “wait, what the hell is a bagel hound?? and also can I eat it????”, it’s actually this:

Photo from 101dogbreeds.com

1-2-3 awwwwwwwwwww.

They’re a cross between “basset hounds” and bagels  beagles, inheriting the best characteristics of both, like “droopy ears” and “is prone to epilepsy.” There’s also a t-shirt you can buy, in case the mug isn’t enough! Also this bagel hound-themed party invitation(??). RT if you would go to that party.

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Church Sale

For the hip young millennial who wants to confess their sins, but doesn’t want to leave their house or actually say the things they did out loud to another person. And it’s ON SALE. I feel like the first thing I’d have to confess is “I bought discount church parts.”

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The Potty-Training Mystery Puzzle!

Hey, and speaking of toilets

“Potty training.” Get it?! I thought this was going to be one of those fun mystery puzzles—”The Monster Who Did This Terrible Thing to My Babies,” perhaps—but no, it’s just a regular puzzle with a whole bunch of sad babies on it.

Here’s a bonus puzzle from the same thrift store, on the same visit…

Man, who’s getting rid of all their baby puzzles???

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You Should Read More, They Said

Hey, here’s a fun fact:

This comes from “Thoughts From the Commode,” a real book I came across at a yardsale. Here’s the other page I managed to photograph before (and this is always a risk at yardsales) someone caught me taking photos of their toilet book. (Warning, super gross.)

I think we’ve all learned something today—never ever pick up a book ever again.

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Never Darken Our Estate Sale Again

(Credit to my mom for the title.)

Here’s another story from the Easter-weekend estate sales at the 55+ gated community. (Did I mention it was gated? There was a guard station and everything; it was like trying to pass through customs on the world’s lamest road trip.)

Anyway. We rolled up to this one estate sale, and it had a few interesting things, like this enormous dead moth that would look great in anyone’s vintage dead bug collection:

And this framed school essay about trees and the wind:

…But that was about it. No bedazzled cow skulls; no babies in jars. It’s always disappointing when you don’t find babies in jars.

But then we heard the shouting. …Which, tbh, is an unusual thing to hear at an estate sale.  Continue reading

The Easter Spirit(s)

Click for full-sized view.

20 years ago the Smith family went disappearing*. This is their last known photo.

…Actually, these are Easter decorations we saw while cruising a 55+ neighborhood for estate sales. It’s creepy enough at first, but every time I look at it I see something even more terrible. See if you can spot the secret child they don’t want you to know about! (No, not the one without a face—behind him.)

* This is an exact quote from my brother Dan.

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