Danger of Dismemberment

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I was just listening on NPR about how computers can be better therapists than flesh-peopleit’s easier to share with them, because they don’t judge you when you say creepy things like “yes, I do believe in GamerGate.” I’m not sure about that, but they’re almost certainly better at designing board games, if this is the best WE’VE come up with.

I can’t think of a single thing that could go wrong with a board game about sharing your innermost thoughts and fears with 3 to 6 of your closest friends. (Although at least in this one, you’re not telling them what dog they look like.) Continue reading

Throw Away Your Garbage Camera


Submitted by frequent yard sale adventurer (and part-time sassy teenage dungeon crawler) Mike Teevee!, who writes:

On Saturday I bought an old 3D camera solely to acquire this: a 3D camera instructional video hosted by Vincent Price. I have no regrets whatsoever.

mike-fb-third-dimensionWhatever, I still win.

If you’ve ever wanted to watch a 300-year-old Vincent Price narrate people hiding in the bushes and taking photos of children (seriously), you can watch the whole thing in garbage 2D here:

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You better believe I was driving up and down the street like one of the Wet Bandits waiting for this yard sale to start right there when it opened!

I used to be SUPER super into Magic: the Gathering for like a week in high school, then a couple months in college, to the point where I actually entered tournaments, and even one timethis is completely truecame in second to last, rather than just dead last. (…But only because my opponent and I agreed ahead of time to call it a draw, so we would both win booster packs. We then played a game “for fun” and he wiped the floor with me.)

For years afterwards I had dreams of finding a giant box of cards for sale at a yard sale, and I did, from time to timebut they were always, like, $40. $50. Some totally reasonable price that I definitely didn’t want to pay.



I mean, yeah, they’re mostly commonswhich is Magic speak for “sh*ty coasters”but I’m hopeful I’ll find at least a couple cards to augment my elf and wall decks as I dig through the box. (I already found a dime and a pair of tweezers in there, so I’m feeling prettttty good about this.)

What will I do with the rest? Oh man hmmm, I dunno… Continue reading

I Was a Teenage Baby


Christina H. writes to us on Facebook:

“Checkout this creepy painting I saw in a tiny shop in Aberdeen, NC today. Thought of your blog when I saw it. Notice the hole under the right eye. Almost, but not quite, got the hole-in-the-eye-opening-through-which-we-will-spy-on-you-through-the-wall down pat.”

I’m also a little concerned that they grafted an adult’s head onto a baby’s body. Has science finally gone too far? (That said, apparently this is a trend not uncommon in the art world [link NSFW].)

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Yellow Doodle Bug


Oh come on. I’m not going to make fun of this. I just wanted to point out that this isn’t a famous or historical or even (as far as I can tell) actually published poem; it was written by somebody named Prissy, for somebody named Pat, to thank them for driving them to church.

There once was a yellow doodle bug
That arrived at my door
And drove me to church to sing
One headlight went up

And one pointed down
But this car was blessed by the King.

You see, Pat wore many hats
But one was to see
That I made it to church on time.
Because of her finesse,
I made it to Missionettes
And learned how Jesus turned water to wine.

So the next time you see
A teen with a need
Be sure to lend them a hand,
Because people like Pat
Are just special like that
In helping others see the promised land.

As for how this sweet gift ended up at Goodwill next to an electric pizza-cutter…there’s no possible happy answer for that, so it’s best not to dwell.

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♪ Keep Your Pants Up, Buddy ♪

Found in a box of garbage at the Dollar Bargain: a singing greeting card that includes an actual CD!


Uhhhh…. Wait, what?


Keep your pants up, buddy
If you know what’s
Good for you! (??????)
You’re my Buddy!
You’re mine all alone!
And Honey, I’d suggest
you best stay at home! (WHAT IS THIS CARD EVEN FOR)
For there’s nothing out there
worth your time
You’re my Buddy! You are mine all mine!

WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON. (And to think there’s nine other songs on this CD. Yeah, I probably should’ve just bought this one.)

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Floss Naked!


“I think that it’s time to make flossing a whole lot sexier,” writes Dr. Mead on the Floss Naked credo, which is absolutely a real thing. “I suggest that if you want healthier teeth and gums, you should floss naked.”

(He’s talking about how you should add flossing to your shower routine to help you remember to actually do it. I… Is it weird that I think that actually makes a lot of sense?)

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