I’m a Bad Idea Guy

My gut told me this was some sort of weird, fill-in-the-blanks corporate freebie (the different font size on “I’m a Syracuse China” was a dead giveaway), and sure enough:

…Apparently the idea wasn’t that great though, because the company shut down in 2009. (I’m guessing we can blame millennials for that. Who will your next victim be, milenials.)

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A Jar of Tongue Blades

A F***ING JAR OF TONGUE BLADES!

I mean of course, we all know what tongue blades actually are [note to Paul: look this up later],  but BOY do I want to keep a jar of tongue blades somewhere in my house. It wouldn’t even need to have actual tongue blades in it; just normal blades would be fine.

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Syracuse is (Still) Very Rude

Last time we checked in with the Syracuse…*looks at notes* I’m sorry, the oranges? And they’re making fun of other people’s teams?? Hey guys, maybe you should get that inferiority complex looked at; it seems like someone has a thin peel.

I kid; I kid. I love Syracuse. They hosted me at a gaming convention last fall; they have a wonderful state fair in the summer; and also they’re part of a complete balanced breakfast. Here’s a bunch more t-shirts that, let’s be honest, I probably would’ve bought too if I went there.


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Ocarina of Crime

There are a lot of disturbing things about this “sheep ocarina,” but in particular:

1) You’re supposed to put the sheep’s head in your mouth in order to play it (I think??)
2) It’s used, which means that somebody already has.
3) You definitely want one anyway.

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