Trashy Miniatures

miniature-raccoons-eating-garbage

“We got a lot of compliments on our nativity set that year.”

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A MYSTERY BOX OF OLD MAC SOFTWARE!

mystery-box-of-mac-software

…Okay, this one’s probably going to be a lot less exciting to everyone than previous boxed lots. But hey, it’s still technically a box of games! Or at least, some of it’s games; the rest is old reference materials; old system programs; and old, totally unusable adult software. (…Sorry, I probably should’ve said “grown-up” software there. Boring software? Whatever. Now I own three copies of Quicken Deluxe ’98.)

But man, what a value! It’s hard to believe they were just giving away the whole box for free, isn’t it?!

(They actually had two boxes, but some punk kid heard me asking about them and then grabbed the other one. I HOPE IT WAS FULL OF GARBAGE.)

Let’s dive in! First up:

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Garbage Frame

no-dumping-photo-frame

What. Could you possibly. Put in this frame??

Is it like, a reminder not to dump your girlfriend?? “HEY. NO DUMPING ME, MISTER.” What a cool gift to give your loved one!

Or wait, do you put a photo of garbage in the frame, so you remember not to litter?? And then you have a framed photo of garbage, I guess??

Wait, no, I get it! Do you…do you put a picture of a butt in it

(FWIW, the frame comes with a picture of a guy wearing a fedora in it, so make of that whatever you will.)

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Season’s Creepings

It’s been a rocky start to the 2014 yardsale season. My mother’s crocuses have started popping up, which I’m told is a sign that spring has officially sprung, although I’ve always had one question about that, and that is—”hey, what are crocuses?” (She thinks I’m kidding. Sorry Mom.)

Thanks to the weather basically being always winter (and never Christmas), most of your normal yardsale tycoons haven’t started piling junk into their front lawns yet, so the few sales I’ve been finding have tended to fall into one of two categories:

1) Creeper Sales

You know the type—there’s a sign outside that says “yardsale today!”, but there’s nothing on the lawn. No person is standing outside. The shades are drawn and the door is closed; the lights are dim. The door might even be locked. You think that if you go inside, there’s a 50% chance that it’ll reek of cat pee, and a 100% chance that you’ll find Anthony Perkins sitting there in a wig. They look sort of like this:

creeper-yard-sale

I don’t think it’s any coincidence that my wife and I saw the New England Spiritual Team racing by earlier today in their mystery machine.

I found two of these creeper sales this week, and three last week. I always feel somewhat robbed when I find them—which is ironic, because that’s exactly what would happen if I ever went inside. They’re basically the “want some candy, little boy?” of yardsales. No one’s ever reported coming back from one alive.

On the other hand, you’ve got…sort of the opposite of that (although with the same probability of dying):

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A Summer Punderland

Exploring the deer-infested wilds of New Jersey.

I was back in New Jersey this weekend to celebrate a few more family birthdays, and while our yardsale trip was cut short because 1) the sales weren’t biting much this morning, and 2) none of us were able to get out of bed before 9:30, we still managed to do our fair share of picking through other people’s garbage.

Some sales were a bit more garbagey than others.

Here are some of the highlights:

And you thought driving while texting was bad. A coffee maker for your car! Haven’t you ever wanted to brew some Joe on the Go?

…Man, that would’ve been a MUCH better slogan than the one they went with: “Just plug into your LIGHTER SOCKET!!!!!” And hey, if you decided to pick that up…

You could always grab some “genuine” second-hand coffee filters from 1984 to go with it.

At the same sale: Continue reading