You Can Be Anything

It’s true what they say: books let you live out your wildest dreams.

And speaking of, uh, fish…it seems like the old yardsale pond is startin’ to dry up, so I think it’s time to call it a season! See ya’ll again next year, with even more weird and upsetting things!

(And in the meantime, don’t forget to use our Amazon affiliate link when you do your holiday shopping; it doesn’t cost you anything, and it helps the site! Just click the link and buy stuff! Literally that’s all you have to do! Click it! Click the link!! )

Wanna help “Yardsaling to Adventure!”grow? Do your Amazon shopping through our affiliate link! 

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Oh My Cod

getting-wet-for-crappie

ShadowJoelXL on Twitter writes:

I’m screaming. I’m screaming and Im inconsolable. Im banned for life from salvation Army. I dont care anymore

If I ever get too old to think “crappie” is hilarious, it’s time to give up the blogging game.

Wanna help “Yardsaling to Adventure!” grow? Do your Amazon shopping through our affiliate link! 

A Graveyard Smash

Happy Friday the 16th, everyone!! TRADITIONALLY SPEAKING THE SPOOPIEST DAY OF THE YEAR!!

I know how I’m celebratingwith this weird thing I found at an estate sale:

painted-wood-thing

(I’ll wait for you to clean the coffee off your monitor.)

Okay but seriously, this looks like something Picasso might’ve made in his fifth-grade art class (or Griffin McElroy like last week in Monster Factory). Also I’m pretty sure it has actual human nipples for eyes. DON’T LOOK.

…And on that note, it looks like the yard sales are drying up for the season, so I’m calling it! See you guys next year with more horrible affronts to nature and mankind!

EDIT: WAIT I LIED, IT’S NOT OVER YET

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The Nightmare Before Halloween

I hear it every year (from the friends I’m entirely making up for the purposes of this post): “Ugh, store-bought Halloween costumes are just so darn expensive!”

Well GUESS WHAT: I have the perfect alternative for you. (No, it’s not “making the costumes yourselves”; that’s ridiculous and everyone will know.) Have you considered maybe yard sales? For a third of the price as Target you could dress as, for example…

plug-and-socket-tandem-halloween-costumes

Plug & Socket!!

Important note: Someone actually bought this, wore this, and thought someone else would want to do the same. It’s definitely not weird that the boy is the plug and the girl is the socket, and the plug and the socket are both at crotch-level. No, that’s totally cool.

Are you more of a solo act this year, though? Still haven’t found that special someone to dress as a plug with you? Maybe I can interest you in:

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“Using Wayside Plants” (and also fish)

I’m developing a new-found appreciation for estate sales. Previously, I’d just seen them as a dumping ground for adult-goods, and not the cool kinds with naughty bits protruding everywhere; I’m talking about ratty linens, little porcelain cat figurines, and spoon collections. And I’m not wrong—that’s still 90% of what they sell at these things (note: that statement is not intended to be factual)—but they can be a lot of fun if you don’t see them as a yardsale, exactly, but as a living museum (where all the exhibits happen to be on sale).

I visited one last Saturday, and I couldn’t help but—prepare to be stunned—think of it as a videogame. Have you ever played BioShock, or basically any other RPG-style game set in a post-apocalyptic world? (This is where we really separate my audience who’s familiar with my other work from those who just want to read about yardsales, dammit.) One of the primary story-telling devices those games use is that of the found-object; much of your in-game time is spend just exploring your surroundings, picking up things, examining them, and learning about those who came before you and what happened to them. It was hard not to think of that as I’d explore a living room, and spot books about journalism and writing on a shelf, or visit an office, and spy old stationary with the letterhead from our local paper—objects telling a small part of the story of who these people were.

Maybe I’ll start a new blog called The Yardsale Detective. Or possibly a series of best-selling novels.

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