#NotALLGifts

not-all-gifts-come-in-a-box-napkins

I’m not sure what these napkins are going for, but they’re making me feel very uncomfortable (and oddly dirty, which I’m pretty sure is the opposite of what napkins are supposed to do).

Also, hey, BTW—how much chutzpah does it take to try to sell someone your pre-owned napkins?

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Waste Not

solid-waste-management-soup-mug

The perfect companion piece to your coffee mug promoting a drug that helps you pee: It’s a soup mug from your local “solid waste management” team! Made out of “recycled materials,” no less. (We’ll just ignore the fact that this individual also appears to be selling used sponges, on the left.)

It took all my restraint not to title this post “Poop Mug,” BTW.

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SpongeBob Torture Simulator

spongebob-torture-simulator

…okay, it’s just Operation; but you know if it was actually called “SpongeBob Torture Simulator,” you’d definitely, definitely be buying it.

Also, sidebar—why is no one concerned with the fact that his brain is just sitting there ON TOP OF HIS HEAD?! It’s like these people aren’t even real doctors.

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Middle School Madness!

sealed-with-a-kiss-game-box

Can you believe they were just GIVING this away?! (and can you believe I didn’t get taken away by Chris Hanson when I grabbed it from the free table)

If anyone reading this ever listened to the Drama Queens podcast I did with GameCola before time began, you’ll already be familiar with the concept of this game—you travel around the board stealing kisses from boys, and also stealing boys from your friends. I’m serious; there’s actually a space for boyfriend theft. It’s everyone you ever hated in middle school, the board game.

Before I get too far I feel I should mention that all the scribbles on the box are after-market additions from the previous owner. The original “Sealed With a Kiss” board game does not come with the words “I LIKE BIG BUTTS” etched on one of the studs’ faces (as seen above).

Speaking of the studs—let’s get a look at these heaping hunks of meat!

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Cry of the Penguins

cry-of-the-penguins

“When a womanizing biologist has the opportunity to study a colony of penguins in the Antarctic, he accepts with the intention of impressing a girl, and not for scientific purposes.”

STOP RIGHT THERE, I’LL TAKE IT.

This is from the same church sale as the Sega Pico—where they were letting you fill up a garbage bag with whatever you could fit in it, and pay two dollars for it.

This is the kind of crap I bring home when you give me options like that. …I can’t wait for date-night this week.

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