A Bunch of Ruined Golfballs

golfball-keychains

 

Alternate title: A bunch of really uncomfortable keychains. But hey, at least next year’s Father’s Day gift only cost me a dollar! I can see it now:

“Thanks son, I really, uh… You know I could always use more ties, right?”

(Actually, knowing my dad, he would probably put it more succinctly: “What the hell is this?!”)

Bunny of the Night

were-bunny-painting

Is that not the most ominous bunny painting you’ve ever seen in your life.*

This one’s cheating a little, because anyone who’s been to the [redacted] antiques store in [redacted] has probably already marveled over it. It’s HUGE. It takes up like half their back wall. We haven’t lived here long enough to know if this thing’s been there for years or if it’s a recent acquisition—although somewhat telling is the fact that it doesn’t have a price tag. (And it’s like the only thing in the store that doesn’t.)

Remember when I was complaining that nobody in Connecticut ever priced their sh**? (Ironic that they insist on calling them “tag sales” in CT, but no one actually puts price tags on anything.) (What monsters.) It’s like the opposite of that in Ohio; 90% of the yardsales I’ve been to so far have had everything neatly labeled, to the point where each individual book will have a price sticker on it. My theory is that they have no intention of actually selling the deranged bunny masterwork; they’re just using it to draw people in so they can sell them on old buttons and vases and things.

Either that, or the painting comes to life at night and they don’t want it to get in the wrong hands. (It’s probably that.)

* (Notice I said painting. This is pretty clearly the most ominous bunny photograph.)

A Bouquet of Black Roses and Spiders!

black-roses-and-spiders

This was from a yardsale that appeared to be the entire contents of a Spirit Halloween store—except that they were selling everything for like, a dollar. Spooky holiday lights? A dollar. Masks so terrifying that I heard a little kid whispering “I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to be here…”? A dollar. The bouquet above?

TEN CENTS. TEN FRIGGIN’ CENTS. Skeletons the size of ME cost $5, and that was seriously the most expensive thing they had.  As someone who unironically lists “decorating for the holidays” as an interest on Facebook, I was SO into it.

A few other choice finds:

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Vomiting Pumpkin T-Shirt!

pumpkin-chunkin-tshirt

If you’ve never heard of “Pumpkin Chunkin’,” your world is about to get just a little bit brighter.

It’s a sporting event (“sporting event”) where teams with names like Sir Chunks-a-Lot and Pumpkin Splatter Troop (note to self: remember those for guild names in WoW) load a bunch of pumpkins onto some catapults and launch them into the atmosphere. Literal weaponized pumpkinsSometimes they shoot the pumpkins out of cannons, too; it’s great.

I do not recall whether there’s ever been a contest to see who can BARF their pumpkins the farthest, but I’m super glad I own that image on a t-shirt now.

Turkey-Flavored Soda!

jones-soda-holiday-pack-1

jones-soda-holiday-pack-2

Oh man. I’ve only heard of this stuff before in legend. A variety of holiday-themed sodas that taste like things SODA SHOULD NEVER TASTE LIKE. (Wait, sorry, I live in Ohio now; it’s “pop”.) (No it isn’t, that’s terrible.)

I know you can’t see the labels like this, so let’s zoom in a bit and see what we’ve got…

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The Towers

the-towers-childrens-book

This one may take some explaining.

…which is really unfortunate, because I don’t know any more about it than you do. I found it at a thrift store; it’s a blank book, meant for your kid to fill in their own story and illustrations. This kid didn’t get too far though—all they had were the cover art and title. (Which, granted, is all most indie game developers have before they start, say, printing up t-shirts. I’m assuming the book only wound up here because their Kickstarter failed.)

And with that, we’re on break, as YtA headquarters packs our bags and moves from Connecticut to sunny Ohio! (Which is home to this store, and I’ve never been more excited about anything, not even my own wedding.) See you in a few weeks!

 

yessss, i made it through the whole post without mentioning how it looks like this kid was making a story about a princess saving 9/11 and whoops now everything is sad