Responsible Pet Ownership: The Game

Remember last week, when I wrote this cool, somewhat introspective piece about a guy who has a museum in his living room about the eight secret U.S. Presidents no one ever tells you about?

This…is 100% not that article.

doggie-doo-1

what….

doggie-doo-3

no, no stop…

doggie-doo-4

STOP

I left this one right where I found it. Seemed oddly appropriate.

Update: Thanks to Yard Sale Adventurer clevercolecrow, now I know it has a commercial:

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The Eight Secret U.S. Presidents

Hey guys, look! It’s a Space Jam stylus for your home tablet!!

space-jam-stylus

(Less blurry picture available here, although it’s not the same exact one I found.)

Okay, yeah, I know you’re probably getting tired of Space Jam (haha, like that’s a thing that’s possible), but this one comes with a story.

I found it in a museum.

Specifically, this museum:

museum

I’m not going to say what it is or where it is. The person who runs it seems to Google himself pretty regularly (or maybe his kids do, or else he just knows when someone’s talking about him on the Internet), and I don’t want him to find this. Please don’t try to find it yourself, either; I don’t want anyone harassing the guy because they read my dumb post about it.

…But this f***ing place, oh my god.

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The One Thing You Can Count On

the-one-thing-you-can-count-on-plate

Many things in your life are going to disappoint you. Your favorite baseball team never winning the Sports Cup. Your otherwise cool aunt, whenever someone says the word “Obama” on Facebook. But you know the one thing that’ll never let you down?

Advertising. F***ing advertising, of course. It’ll permeate every part of your life until you can’t even heat up last night’s leftovers without the f***ing plate advertising ADVERTISING ITSELF AT YOU.

…Oh hey, speaking of which!!

Science says that at least 80% of you are thinking about starting your Christmas shopping now, even though it’s early November and that makes you a crazy person. If you’re gonna buy gifts online though, why not do it from my Amazon affiliate link? It doesn’t cost you anything; just click the link, buy your stuff, and Amazon sends me a cut of the revenue, which I can then put back into the website.

Just click the linkCLICK IT. CLICK THE LINK.

Wanna help “Yardsaling to Adventure!” grow? Do your Amazon shopping through our affiliate link! …Oh wait, I said that already.

Don’t Sit On It!

vintage-seatbelt-safety-awareness-keychain-don't-sit-on-it

As (technically) a Millennial, it’s hard  to imagine a World Before Seatbelts; but it’s even harder to imagine a world after seatbelts, where people already had them in their cars and then just sat on them like a bunch of (very uncomfortable) dummies.

I mean, it’s like if today we lived in a world where we could vaccinate against a wide array of diseases and just chose not to–THE REST OF THIS POST HAS BEEN DELETED BY JENNY  MCCARTHY AND ALL OF YOUR WEIRD RELATIVES ON FACEBOOK. THIS WILL BE YOUR ONLY WARNING. DOWN WITH MEDICINE.

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Music Buttons!

small-world-christmas-medley-music-button

We had one of these little doots sitting in a drawer in the kitchen when I was a kid. It was one of those things that just always existed without any explanation, like an older brother or sister. It’s only obvious purpose was to annoy people, so of course I was totally into it. (I also owned an Insultinator. I was that kid.)

When you press one of these buttons, it plays a little song, in the most ear-piercing, horrible tones known to the human ear. It sounds like an Atari game trying to connect on a dial-up modem. Not to mention that the one we had (and, incidentally, one of the ones above) actually played—of all songs known in the history of mankind—“It’s a Small World, After All”.  Owning this thing is practically a war crime.

So! I thought it’d be fun to do this. Make sure your volume is turned all the way up!!

(I hope you didn’t really turn your volume all the way up.)

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