Pixel Lincoln

pixel-lincoln

Hey, I know this game! My favorite part of this thing has to be–WAIT, I JUST NOTICED THE PRICE TAG SAYS $5 AND I SHOULD’VE BOUGHT IT FOR SOMEONE, UGHHHHH.

Something something something Baberaham Lincoln, am I right?? Jokes.

Edit: Someone pointed out to me that this is actually a Salvador Dali lithograph! Well now how am I supposed to make fun of it.

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Oh, Good

say-something-stupid-shirt

Speaking of terrible shirts you should never wear in public…

I’m reminded of the time I came home wearing a Mr. Hanky, the Christmas Poo t-shirt, and for some reason my mom wouldn’t let me go to school wearing a literal piece of sh** on my shirt. I’m hoping the fact that this shirt was donated to Goodwill means someone else has a good parent, too.

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I DRESSED MYSELF TODAY.

world-cup-shirt-and-turtle-pants

Can you believe that shirt only cost me a quarter?! A quarter?! (I already owned the pants.)

My wife was still mostly asleep when I put on this ensemble (a French word meaning, literally, “a bunch of soccer balls and batteries”); I told her I DRESSED MYSELF TODAY, she opened one eye, looked at me and said “very nice,” then went back to sleep.

Later when I asked her what she thought about the shirt through her sleepy and no-glasses haze, she said “it was like..a rainbow and vegetables.”

….ONLY A QUARTER! Can you believe it?! I’m so ready for the next sports thing whatever that happens. GO SPORTS!!

**Photograph by Lizo, who normally photographs bald eagles and baby horned owls over at Woods Walks and Wildlife, and not her husband being a huge dork.**

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#NotALLGifts

not-all-gifts-come-in-a-box-napkins

I’m not sure what these napkins are going for, but they’re making me feel very uncomfortable (and oddly dirty, which I’m pretty sure is the opposite of what napkins are supposed to do).

Also, hey, BTW—how much chutzpah does it take to try to sell someone your pre-owned napkins?

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Waste Not

solid-waste-management-soup-mug

The perfect companion piece to your coffee mug promoting a drug that helps you pee: It’s a soup mug from your local “solid waste management” team! Made out of “recycled materials,” no less. (We’ll just ignore the fact that this individual also appears to be selling used sponges, on the left.)

It took all my restraint not to title this post “Poop Mug,” BTW.

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SpongeBob Torture Simulator

spongebob-torture-simulator

…okay, it’s just Operation; but you know if it was actually called “SpongeBob Torture Simulator,” you’d definitely, definitely be buying it.

Also, sidebar—why is no one concerned with the fact that his brain is just sitting there ON TOP OF HIS HEAD?! It’s like these people aren’t even real doctors.

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Middle School Madness!

sealed-with-a-kiss-game-box

Can you believe they were just GIVING this away?! (and can you believe I didn’t get taken away by Chris Hanson when I grabbed it from the free table)

If anyone reading this ever listened to the Drama Queens podcast I did with GameCola before time began, you’ll already be familiar with the concept of this game—you travel around the board stealing kisses from boys, and also stealing boys from your friends. I’m serious; there’s actually a space for boyfriend theft. It’s everyone you ever hated in middle school, the board game.

Before I get too far I feel I should mention that all the scribbles on the box are after-market additions from the previous owner. The original “Sealed With a Kiss” board game does not come with the words “I LIKE BIG BUTTS” etched on one of the studs’ faces (as seen above).

Speaking of the studs—let’s get a look at these heaping hunks of meat!

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