The Gypsy Who Fell on My Face

Today’s sales exhausted me. There were ten of them, spread all throughout my county, and it was deathly hot outside. I’m talking like 80 degrees. Doesn’t that just sound like murder, people who live farther south than New England?

Thankfully, there’s something later in this post that could help me, let’s say, “decompress” after a long morning of saling; but we’ll get to that in a bit. First up is chairs.

Now, I couldn’t just let this go by without discovering what “the best seat in the house” actually was, and how it could possibly fit into such a slender cardboard box. The answer: It’s a toilet seat. (Of course it’s a toilet seat.) A toilet seat that, judging by the packaging, might actually be older than me. Just imagine how many naked rear ends have already been on this. Naked rear ends that you don’t even know.

Also, I like how the drawing implies that you’d bring this along with you to the theater. “Yes, that’ll be one ticket to Spiderman: Turn off the Dark. …Yes, I know how bad it is. Don’t worry. I came prepared.”

And hey, speaking of Things You Shouldn’t Buy Used

A “gold”-plated razor and toothbrush set! The perfect gift for literally anyone who has hair and/or teeth. The set is purportedly unused; I’m guessing they just forgot to set up a little sign that says “all those neck hairs came with it, we swear.”

…Gosh, I hope those were neck hairs. Continue reading