…It’s a paper-towel dispenser. Took me a while, too, and I was touching it. (It felt kinda gooey, in case you were wondering.)
I think the most disturbing part is that it’s caffeine-free.
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Oh man. I’ve only heard of this stuff before in legend. A variety of holiday-themed sodas that taste like things SODA SHOULD NEVER TASTE LIKE. (Wait, sorry, I live in Ohio now; it’s “pop”.) (No it isn’t, that’s terrible.)
I know you can’t see the labels like this, so let’s zoom in a bit and see what we’ve got…