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This just in folks, we’re getting reports that a lone voice in northern Ohio has just shattered the world’s record for loudest sound ever in recorded history. That voice—belonging to a man, aged 29, with (it has to be said) a magnificent beard—was allegedly visiting a local yardsale when he exclaimed, shattering all glass windows within a three-mile radius:
I WANT A POTATO BAG
We take you now live to the scene, where everyone is deaf.
Reporter: “HUH? HUH? HUH?!”
Thanks, Al. The previous “world’s loudest sound” record was also held by this man, reportedly established when he shouted “I WANT THAT PIE DISH” and imploded a mom-and-pop thrift store. More on this story at the top of the hour, unless some celebrity has a baby or something.
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