The Eight Secret U.S. Presidents

Hey guys, look! It’s a Space Jam stylus for your home tablet!!

(Less blurry picture available here, although it’s not the same exact one I found.)

Okay, yeah, I know you’re probably getting tired of Space Jam (haha, like that’s a thing that’s possible), but this one comes with a story.

I found it in a museum.

Specifically, this museum:

I’m not going to say what it is or where it is. The person who runs it seems to Google himself pretty regularly (or maybe his kids do, or else he just knows when someone’s talking about him on the Internet), and I don’t want him to find this. Please don’t try to find it yourself, either; I don’t want anyone harassing the guy because they read my dumb post about it.

…But this f***ing place, oh my god.

Siege of the Pot Golem

Snot!

…

…

…I’m sorry; I just wanted to start this post the same way I started my day: with a big steaming pile of nose goblins. And they weren’t even my own. When I stepped out of my car at the first sale of the day, I was greeted by this guy just…blowing it all over his driveway. Like he was putting salt down to melt ice. I was afraid small children might slip in the alarmingly large puddle forming near his shoes, but he didn’t seem to think it was weird. Maybe I should be thankful it was just snot.

After that explosive start (at least for him), I might’ve just taken it as an omen and headed right back home, perhaps muttering some clever jokes about how “well, that’s southern Connecticut for you!” (and secretly counting the days until we move to Ohio, which I’m told is a fantasy land of everlasting sunshine [citation needed]), but not this day. Thank goodness, not this day.