The Easter Spirit(s)

Click for full-sized view.

20 years ago the Smith family went disappearing*. This is their last known photo.

…Actually, these are Easter decorations we saw while cruising a 55+ neighborhood for estate sales. It’s creepy enough at first, but every time I look at it I see something even more terrible. See if you can spot the secret child they don’t want you to know about! (No, not the one without a face—behind him.)

* This is an exact quote from my brother Dan.

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A Graveyard Smash

Happy Friday the 16th, everyone!! TRADITIONALLY SPEAKING THE SPOOPIEST DAY OF THE YEAR!!

I know how I’m celebratingwith this weird thing I found at an estate sale:

painted-wood-thing

(I’ll wait for you to clean the coffee off your monitor.)

Okay but seriously, this looks like something Picasso might’ve made in his fifth-grade art class (or Griffin McElroy like last week in Monster Factory). Also I’m pretty sure it has actual human nipples for eyes. DON’T LOOK.

…And on that note, it looks like the yard sales are drying up for the season, so I’m calling it! See you guys next year with more horrible affronts to nature and mankind!

EDIT: WAIT I LIED, IT’S NOT OVER YET

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Embarrassing Moments in the Life of Rob Lowe

enter-at-your-own-risk

You can’t say they didn’t warn me.

I’ve talked at length before about how going to estate sales feels more or less like you’re looting a stranger’s home. Everything in the house is basically set up the way they were before the people died; except for the occasional price tag and the herd of re-sellers literally elbowing you out of the way so they can be the first ones to get to Grandma’s fine jewelry, you’d hardly even know that something horrible happened here not too long ago and everyone’s probably really sad about it.

If you look closely you can start to get an idea of the people who lived thereyou see a few books on invasive medical procedures and a pair of scissors that looks like you could carve someone up with it, and—OH GOD, what’s that?! Continue reading