They’re Taking Our Guns Away!

We’re back! (A Dinosaur’s Story! Sorry, force of habit.)

In case you didn’t know, we recently took up and moved from Ohio (“The Buckeye State”) to California (“The It’s How Far Away??? State”). The drive took us four days, with me, my wife, our two bunnies, our turtle, my parents-in-law, and our collection of I-don’t-know-probably 74 house plants packed into two cars, driving along exactly one interstate for 12 hours a day and surviving on gas-station sandwiches and Pop-Tarts alone.

Here’s a video I took of the trip:

After taking a week to settle in/visit the redwood forest and the beaches/spin around in a chair waiting for the movers to show up with all our stuff, I hit the yard sales this Saturday morningand already things are getting weird, in the best possible way.

This weekend alone I encountered:

  • A dog named Willie Nelson who eats organic pumpkin for breakfast (“He’s got pumpkin-mouth right now.”)
  • Someone walking their pet pig
  • A dude skateboarding through the supermarket (I’m serious)
  • The WORLD’S LARGEST TOTEM POLE, in the same supermarket’s parking lot (??)

And, this for sale at a locally-owned thrift store: Continue reading

Santa’s Got a Gun

HE KNOWS IF YOU’VE BEEN BAD OR GOOD

santa-with-an-uzi

SO BE GOOD, FOR F*CK’S SAKE.

(Alternate joke: UP ON THE HOUSETOP, CLICK CLICK CLICK. It’s weird how many Christmas songs make Santa sound like a friggin’ axe murderer.)

(Alternate joke: Looks like someone’s taking the “War on Christmas” a little too literally, am I right guys?!)

(Alternate joke: oops sorry i’m covered in tomatoes now can’t make more jokes)