Dog-Shaming Gone Too Far

mounted-dog-heads

The perfect gift for any dog owner who wants their faithful companion’s severed head stuffed and mounted on their wall. Like a hunting trophy. I hate to break it to you, but if you do hunting, and this is your trophy, you did hunting very very poorly.

(Okay yes, granted, this isn’t a real severed dog’s head. It’s just a facsimile of a severed dog’s head. Well, PHEW.)

Stampin’ Up!

The best yardsale finds make you stop, scratch your head, and say “what the f*** is that?” For example, one of my early finds during this morning’s adventure was this license plate cover:

Is it…promoting tramp stamps? The postal service? Is “stamping up” a euphemism for a new kind of drug? (“Yo man, you got any…stamp?” “No Jimmy, my mom said you’re not supposed to stamp up!” “Your MOM don’t hafta know about it! Come on, just take a lick…”)

Turns out it’s actually about scrapbooking. Okay, how about this plate:

Of course, that’s far from the creepiest plate I’ve ever seen at a yardsale, but it begs several questions, most notably: What the **** is it talking about? Why’s that rooster in the middle have such a smug look on his face? Why are they all roosters?! If I proudly display this in my office, what am I saying—is this an old proverb about how you should definitely not engage in coitus at the pearly gates with two other roosters? Is it okay if you just have one other rooster?

I tried to research this one on Google, too, but all I found were a variety of mousepads and keychains inscribed with the saying; nobody actually seemed to know what it meant. …Until I asked that font of wisdom, the Yahoo Answers community. Here’s what they told me:

…Wait, sorry; that was actually the answer to a different question I was researching. What they actually said was: nothing. Nobody has any idea what this means. Do you, readers? If you know, POST!

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