Danger of Dismemberment

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I was just listening on NPR about how computers can be better therapists than flesh-peopleit’s easier to share with them, because they don’t judge you when you say creepy things like “yes, I do believe in GamerGate.” I’m not sure about that, but they’re almost certainly better at designing board games, if this is the best WE’VE come up with.

I can’t think of a single thing that could go wrong with a board game about sharing your innermost thoughts and fears with 3 to 6 of your closest friends. (Although at least in this one, you’re not telling them what dog they look like.) Continue reading

Yes, My Gatekeeper

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YOU GUYS, YOU GUYS! LOOK WHAT I FOUND AT THE SALES THIS WKND:

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It’s Nightmare! The game hosted by a video!! I’d been trying to find a copy of this since literally like two weeks ago when Jeddy mentioned it on the GameCola podcast.

The way it works is, you pop the tape into your VCR machine and let it play in the background while you roll around the board, trying to collect keys or whatever (who cares, nobody cares). Most of the time it just plays spooky noises at you, but every once in a while THE GATEKEEPER pops in and says something like:

It’s my favorite game of all time. (I haven’t actually played it yet.)

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Don’t Tell Me if I Do

Welcome to the 2015 yard sale season! If you’re new to the blog, I like to share the creepy, weird, awesome and hilarious things I tend to find while I’m digging through people’s (often literal) garbage at yard sales and thrift stores.

Why? Partly to justify spending all my Saturdays doing this instead of staying in bed with a big bowl of cereal and Saturday morning cartoons (or at least whatever passes for that when you’re an adultmaybe kale and NPR?), and partly because I can’t stop laughing when I find stuff like:

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(Note the markup on the price stickeroriginally mispriced at $1.99, and then bumped up to $2. I bet someone got fired over that goof.)

At the same thrift store, they were also selling a board game that teaches you how to make friends—which sounds depressing enough by itself, until you start to think about the lonely kid playing it at home on a Friday night because it hasn’t worked yet. “Roll a D6 to learn what hugs feel like.” “Okay, Mom.”

Wanna help “Yardsaling to Adventure!” grow? Do your Amazon shopping through our affiliate link!

What London Is I Guess

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I don’t know what it says about London’s self-esteem when a game that “captures all the excitement of London” is basically just about riding around on a commuter train.

“Be ready for surprises when changing lines!”, it seriously boasts while trying to sell the game to anyone, anyone at all. “Close stations to delay others!”

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“Win the game!” F***ing “win the game” is on their ad copy. It’s like if someone was working on an ad for Uno, and their big selling point was “get rid of cards.”

Even more depressing—the game apparently has “souvenir cards” that you can collect, and the cards are also just a bunch of train stations you can visit. BEST VACATION EVER.

Wanna help “Yardsaling to Adventure!” grow? Do your Amazon shopping through our affiliate link! 

Responsible Pet Ownership: The Game

Remember last week, when I wrote this cool, somewhat introspective piece about a guy who has a museum in his living room about the eight secret U.S. Presidents no one ever tells you about?

This…is 100% not that article.

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what….

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no, no stop…

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STOP

I left this one right where I found it. Seemed oddly appropriate.

Update: Thanks to Yard Sale Adventurer clevercolecrow, now I know it has a commercial:

Wanna help “Yardsaling to Adventure!” grow? Do your Amazon shopping through our affiliate link! 

SpongeBob Torture Simulator

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…okay, it’s just Operation; but you know if it was actually called “SpongeBob Torture Simulator,” you’d definitely, definitely be buying it.

Also, sidebar—why is no one concerned with the fact that his brain is just sitting there ON TOP OF HIS HEAD?! It’s like these people aren’t even real doctors.

Wanna help “Yardsaling to Adventure!” grow? Do your Amazon shopping through our affiliate link!

Middle School Madness!

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Can you believe they were just GIVING this away?! (and can you believe I didn’t get taken away by Chris Hanson when I grabbed it from the free table)

If anyone reading this ever listened to the Drama Queens podcast I did with GameCola before time began, you’ll already be familiar with the concept of this game—you travel around the board stealing kisses from boys, and also stealing boys from your friends. I’m serious; there’s actually a space for boyfriend theft. It’s everyone you ever hated in middle school, the board game.

Before I get too far I feel I should mention that all the scribbles on the box are after-market additions from the previous owner. The original “Sealed With a Kiss” board game does not come with the words “I LIKE BIG BUTTS” etched on one of the studs’ faces (as seen above).

Speaking of the studs—let’s get a look at these heaping hunks of meat!

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OIL POWER: The Game

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FINALLY, you can bring the fun of destroying our planet and all of its natural resources until we have to power our cars by foot like in the Flintstones home to Family Game Night™!

I didn’t buy this one, so there’s no in-depth look at all the cool stuff that comes with the game. But I did want to highlight this one passage I saw on the back of the box. I mean—how often do you see a board game that comes with its own origin story?

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I know that’s hard to read, so here, in its entirety—for the first time EVER on the Internet—is:

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OUTDOOR SURVIVAL: The Game

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Holy crap you guys! If there’s one thing I like (besides, in no particular order, videogames, yard sales, professional wrestling, magnificent beards, Disney World, and not calling it “pop“), it’s weird board games—and if there’s one other thing I like, it’s not dying in the woods. And this is a board game that teaches you how to not die in the woods! From the back of the box:

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My favorite part is the “and have FUN too!”

Everything was still included in the box (something of a rarity when buying board games and especially puzzles at yardsales):

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