Attorney at LOL


I’m not going to make any Phoenix Wright puns, I’m not going to make any Phoenix Wright puns, I’m not—boy, this game looks like it’s Edge-worthy of a spot on anyone’s shelf; am I Wright, guys?!

I found “Jury Trial: The Sensational Courtroom Battle Board Game!” at one of my fine local thrift stores (you can tell it’s fancy when they keep the PS2 games locked inside a glass case), and it kind of looks amazing. I say “kind of,” only because this particular edition appeared to have been dunked in a dirty toilet.


Don’t be tempted to scroll past this dude’s case without reading it. FIGHT YOUR INSTINCT, if only for phrases like “sex and flesh work in advertising” and “their message is painted on my butt.”

…I’m already regretting not buying this game, toilet or no.


Here we see a few of the Juror Cards that you’ll be vying for throughout the game. I wanted to highlight “Leona Hamsley,” not because it’s a hilarious pop-culture reference to “Leona Helmsley,” but because I’ve always sort of thought that she exists purely as a pop-culture reference. She’s been parodied in everything from Tiny Toons to Willy Beamishshe’s the Wilhelm scream of evil rich ladies. (Are the other two dudes supposed to be somebody, too?)


So if I’m understanding this right, the game is less about arguing your case and making sure the bad guys go to jail, and more about…rigging the jury so that you have the most biased panel possible. If I were to reach for the low-hanging fruit here I’d say “HAH, so it’s just like real-life, am I right??”…but, like, where is the lie?

That’s not a board game, it’s a step ladder. Nailed it.*

* This is another hilarious Phoenix Wright joke.

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