[NSFW] Nobody’s Happy: The Game

It’s BOARD GAME WEEK here at Yardsaling to Adventure!, that special time of year when we commemorate the fact that I saw a bunch of really strange board games at the thrift store this past Saturday (the same one with the questionable gumball machine).

First up:

It’s The Game of REAL Life! Yes, the game that does away with all that phony stuff from the actual Game of Life, like going to college, getting married and winning the lottery, and replaces it with things like doing blow, and watching your children die! Also instead of driving around in little plastic cars, all the game pieces are f***ing rocks.

You can tell this is gonna be a fun one, because it has a “you got aborted” space:

…And believe it or not that’s not even close to the worst one in the game. For example:

Here’s one I’m sure no one will be bothered by:

In case you were worried, in fact, yes, there’s also some casual racism:

And like, this is just what they advertised on the cover of the game. I shudder to think what they held back on.

If you want, you can find the whole story of this game’s conception on an Internet website that looks like a time capsule from 1998; it’s just missing a guest book and animated construction signs. It’s a great read if you want to know what in the world would possess someone to make a game with a “YOU ARE NOW DISABLED” space. Here’s a choice quote:

Then junior year in high school my girlfriend and I had sex every weekend – I thought this was great! And I wondered:

Why isn’t SEX in The Game of LIFE™?

There’s also a section—I’m 100% not making this up—about how you can use this game in the classroom.

Man, aren’t you guys excited to see what other board games we unearth this week??

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