♪ Keep Your Pants Up, Buddy ♪

Found in a box of garbage at the Dollar Bargain: a singing greeting card that includes an actual CD!

keep-your-pants-up-buddy-card-1

Uhhhh…. Wait, what?

keep-your-pants-up-buddy-card-2

Keep your pants up, buddy
If you know what’s
Good for you! (??????)
HEY!
DO I HAVE YOUR
ATTENTION
You’re my Buddy!
You’re mine all alone!
And Honey, I’d suggest
you best stay at home! (WHAT IS THIS CARD EVEN FOR)
For there’s nothing out there
worth your time
You’re my Buddy! You are mine all mine!

WHAT THE F*** IS GOING ON. (And to think there’s nine other songs on this CD. Yeah, I probably should’ve just bought this one.)

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