Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

A chicken crosses the road.

To find great deals, apparently! Hey there, little friend!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

She backed up one lane of traffic by strutting around and waggling her head at people, and I backed up the other by taking pictures of her like I’d only ever heard of these creatures called “hens” before in campfire stories. (“Legend has it that they have gross red things on their faces, and that they shred most excellently on the guitar…”)

Unfortunately, this cock-of-the-walk was one of the more interesting things I saw during this morning’s adventures, although I did find a few other things worth crowing about. For example—remember last week, when I was talking about things you seriously do not want to buy used? Well…

At least it still has its original packaging? Butt wait, it gets better–

Like, not to get too gross here, but…somebody peed in that. Probably the dude running the yardsale. If you’re ever so hard up for cash that you find yourself saying “Hey, I peed on this thing; how much will you pay me for it?”, it might finally be time to crack open those help-wanted ads.

At the same yardsale, they were selling…

Which you might think is just a cool vintage Pringles container, but no—there were actually still chips left in it. The container was about half-full (or half-empty, actually, because I was a bit grumpy about the heat). I haven’t been able to get a bead on exactly how old those chips might be, but I’m guessing old enough to constitute a serious medical threat; the whole place might have to be quarantined. Inside, there was also a coupon for 25 cents off a can of Sprite, which I believe technically makes the Pringles free, since they were on the quarter table.

Later, I found proof that the Chicken Soup people may just be running out of ideas…

And also, these headphones:

Now, most of you are probably scratching your heads and going “I don’t know what that is; some kinda Pokeyman thing?”, but I guarantee you there’s at least one person right now who’s shouting at his computer screen “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DIDN’T BUY THAT, WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU,” and in all probability hoping to unleash screaming temporal doom on me.

(Note: my use of the pronoun “he” there wasn’t sexist, because it’s DEFINITELY a dude. He’s also probably upset that I passed over a Sega Saturn that was selling for $10.)

I didn’t end up buying anything this week (although I was tempted by this umbrella and this Mortal Kombat trading card)—so I throw it out to you, my fellow adventurers: Find anything cool this week?

Total spent: $0.00

6 thoughts on “Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

  1. Oh…I also forgot the obligatory “What the hell is wrong with you?!” for not buying them and not seeing the show….it’s on Netflix. Everyone has Netflix. Watch it, or suffer a….moosey fate…

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