The best yardsale finds make you stop, scratch your head, and say “what the f*** is that?” For example, one of my early finds during this morning’s adventure was this license plate cover:
Is it…promoting tramp stamps? The postal service? Is “stamping up” a euphemism for a new kind of drug? (“Yo man, you got any…stamp?” “No Jimmy, my mom said you’re not supposed to stamp up!” “Your MOM don’t hafta know about it! Come on, just take a lick…”)
Turns out it’s actually about scrapbooking. Okay, how about this plate:
Of course, that’s far from the creepiest plate I’ve ever seen at a yardsale, but it begs several questions, most notably: What the **** is it talking about? Why’s that rooster in the middle have such a smug look on his face? Why are they all roosters?! If I proudly display this in my office, what am I saying—is this an old proverb about how you should definitely not engage in coitus at the pearly gates with two other roosters? Is it okay if you just have one other rooster?
I tried to research this one on Google, too, but all I found were a variety of mousepads and keychains inscribed with the saying; nobody actually seemed to know what it meant. …Until I asked that font of wisdom, the Yahoo Answers community. Here’s what they told me:
…Wait, sorry; that was actually the answer to a different question I was researching. What they actually said was: nothing. Nobody has any idea what this means. Do you, readers? If you know, POST!
Another sale I went to this morning was being held in a church, and I don’t think they were vetting their goods all that well—after all, they prooooobably wouldn’t have been selling this videogame if they knew anything about its source material. (If you’re familiar with the His Dark Materials trilogy, you know that in the third book [highlight for spoiler] one of the main characters kills God with a knife. I feel like that’s not something they’d want to promote.)
Less subtle in the irony, though, was this:
It was front and center on the book table, too; I saw it turn more than a few little old heads. Not to get too political here, but I’ll say it—I don’t think we should be promoting sex among dummies. (Note that it’s the “miniature edition,” too; I guess the church didn’t want you learning that much about it!)
That’s mostly it for today; here’s one more to go on:
The reason we didn’t have dancing at our wedding is because I dance like Mr. Maraca.
…Oh, wait! I almost forgot! I actually did buy something, too. Out of all these wonderful, wonderful things, there was only one I couldn’t turn down. Only one I couldn’t live without. Only one that had to come home with me.
It was this:
Yes, it’s at least 15 years old, and yes, I will be using it. Anyone wanna join me for a soap-making party?
Total spent: $2.00